My Mood~*

February 2nd, 2008 by angelkhate

i’m happy kasi…
    - i got something that surprises me a lot.
    - napadala ko na ang dapat ipadala.
    - kasi hindi sya galit at sinamahan nya pa ako.
    - may nakausap akong tao na matagal ko ng hindi nakakausap at nakita ko pa sya.
    - i got my salary may idedeposit na naman ako.
    - he makes me happy a lot.
   
i’m sad kasi…
    - i miss him.
    - i want to text him pero pinipigilan ko tsaka na pag natanggap na nya para hindi        mawala ang SURPRISE.
    - lagi ko syang iniisip.
    - wala pa rin akong positive reply sa mga applications ko huhuhu
    - hindi ko pa sya nakikita.

Wondering?

January 31st, 2008 by angelkhate

yeah…you might be wondering by now why I kept my silence…kung bakit bigla na lang ako nawala at tumahimik, why I’m so cold…why? Ikaw kasi, ikaw nagsimula nito, you seems so busy that you didn’t even bother to check on things… parang I don’t exist anymore…pinagpalit daw ba ako sa isang "teleserye" bad mo…so napag-isip isip ko, "ok ganun pala yun, hahayaan ko na lang sya"…at eto na nga ginagawa ko…

don’t worry I’ll be back…SOON…  para mamiss mo din ako…

My First Serious CRUSH*~

January 28th, 2008 by angelkhate

(naalala ko lang naman)…

I stepped college na walang kilala…alone and lost…but kailangan kong gawin para sa parents ko, to make them happy. Years past, nung 2nd year college na ako enrollment time un, i was invited by a friend of mine to attend her 18th birthday sa General Santos, at first I’m hesistant kasi nga enrollment, kailangan ko talaga ma-enroll ontime kasi block-section ako or else mahiwalay ako sa mga kablock ko, then there’s this guy (yes sya crush ko) which was matagal ko ng siyang napapansin at we chat naman minsan…minsan lang talaga kc shy ako…kasi I’m the type na hindi nag-iinitiate ng conversation kung hindi ako kinakausap una, sya ay matangkad, matalino, so neat, tahimik, pero hindi sya nerd tingnan, anyways…aun nga parang nafeel nya napinoproblema ko un, and good thing is enrollment staff sya, so he offered na sya na lang daw bahala sa enrollment ko at attend na lang daw ako ng debut ng friend ko….goshhh I’m so happy (happy kasi biruin mo crush ko nag-offer then happy kasi aalis ako ng hindi ako nababahala…)

days passed, when i got back sa Cebu and looked for him to know my schedules, naks naman what a good news, classmates kami sa lahat ng subjects…OH HA!!! then started from there, we got closer and closer, lagi ko sya katabi, bad thing was supah nahihiya ako sa kanya, conscious na conscious ang lola nyo…even pag may reporting nako..kung pwede nga lang maglaho bigla…often times, lagi ko sya kagroup, napilitan tuloy ako mag-aral ng mabuti… hehehe

(the kilig part)

my 18th birthday…early morning he fetch me and we went to church…e2 ung isang moment na supah nahihiya ako, eh d ba sa mass "Our Father" eh kailangan magholding hands, abuuuuu un nga hawak kamay kami, nako grabe d ako makaconcentrate sobra sa song kasi finifeel ko ung kamay nya hahaha ang lambot, mas malambot pa ata sa akin, then super pinagpawisan nuo ko waaaaa kakahiya, then sinundan pa sa "Peace be with you" harrr harrr…kita nya tuloy sweat ko waaaa kakahiya… tapos kumain kami then hinatid na nya ako, lunch time eh may mass sa school, aun sabay na naman kami, then here’s the dinner time, bumisita na naman sya dala ung gift nya tapos e2 na…he kissed me sa pisngi, waaaaaa parang best birthday gift ever, you know what I did? I went sa room ko at umiyak, yes umiyak, sa tuwa…hahaha parang loka loka /heh masaya lang…kinilig eh…parang dream come true..OMG>..wala lang parang masaya lang ako dahil dba crush ko, tapos pinagpapantasyahan pa un ng ibang schoolmates ko…harrrr…

so yun, naging close kami lalo…there’s this moment with my gay friend and my crush (that time 3 kami super close), nag star gazzing kami sa roof top ng bahay, nakahiga sila both sa legs ko (naka pants ako ha)…kwentuhan at open forum kami three, kung ano ang ayaw namin sa isa’t isa…then i kept asking myself…d kaya nya ako ligawan? liligawan pa kaya nya ako? hmm type kaya nya ako? mga ganun questions…habang tumatagal naisip ko parang "HINDI" ata ang sagot, napaisip tuloy ako "sayang ang gwapo pa naman nya tapso bading"... so we stayed that way, we are just "CLOSE FRIENDS" HAYZZZZ….

Then dumating ang time na nakilala ko si ivan (my hubby)…niligawan ako, i like him, ayun sinagot ko na. Isang araw, hinatid ako ni hubby sa school at nakita nya kami na nakaholding hands…aba aba…tumaas kilay….tapos pagpasok sa ko sa classroom parang galit….bakit d ko daw sinabi, nyay… eh private un eh…hehehe tapos isang gabi while we are doing our project sabay sabi sa akin "bat ka nagmamadali, bat hindi mo ko hinintay" ay sus…gasgas na line…eh torpe eh… charing masyado…oh well…hina kc eh…ang slow… /gg

So aun, but we stayed good friends naman. Nako we graduated na lang sa college ala pa rin girlfriend…bading siguro un…hehehe *knock sa wood*…sayang poginess if badaf ikaw beshy…wag naman sana…no regrets…I’m happy sa lahat ng decisions ko…

— napanaginipan ko kc kaya i decided to write here un lang *bow* —-

IF ONLY~*.*

December 7th, 2007 by angelkhate

if only i knew it from the start
if only "she" didn’t come
if only we’re both alone
if only  you’re not too dependent to them
if only you don’t have friends like them
if only you are just like before
if only all you said and wrote are true
if only you just feel what i felt
if only you’re like anybody else
if only you sensitive enough to know what’s lacking
if only you’re always there
if only you have MORE MORE time with me
if only you just let me feel i’m more extra special to you
if only I’M YOUR PRIORITY
then everything will be PERFECT…..
and i will not be like this….

and

if only you can read this….
 

Mahal Kita Kahit Ano Ka Pa….

September 20th, 2007 by angelkhate

nung bata pa ako pag nandito ka sa bahay nagtatago ako…
ayaw kitang makita o maamoy man lang…
it makes me sick…
kaya galit na galit ako pag dyan ka na…
wala akong magawa kung hindi magkulong sa kwarto ko…
ano ba magagawa ko eh gusto ka ng mga tao dito sa bahay…
NO CHOICE…but HIDE…

then isang araw, naisip ko…
why not give a chance…
sabi ko sa sarili ko, eh nagawa ko nga sa iba why not at you…
then slowly i gave myself a chance na kilatisin kita ng mabuti…
yeah, at first i can’t take it talaga…nasusuka ako….
pero sabi nga nila…pag nasanay ka na…you’ll learn to take and accept it…
YOU’RE GREAT…and by then…natutunan ko ng mahalin ka…

what hurts me most eh yung mga comments ng iba…
yung icriticized ka…
gusto kng malaman mo…na kahit…kinaiinisan ka nila..
kahit sa iba they find you so disgusting…
yucky…
smelly..
you caused them pain…
kahit…sa iba exotic daw presence mo..
kahit na they spit on you…sinusuka ka nila…
kahit itakwil ka nila…
kahit they misjudged you…
LOVE NA LOVE PA RIN KITA…"maging sino at ano ka pa man"
yeah kahit kasal na ako…nothing change… IKAW NA FIRST LOVE KO…
kahit na araw araw nandito ka sa bahay ko…i’ll be glad…
ADIK NA AKO SAYO….PROMISE…CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU…

e2 lang message ko sau:

DURIAN, salamat at naging season mo this month, dahil sayo naging masaya ang pang araw-araw ko na meal, ang sarap sarap mo, mag isang buwan na na lagi kitang kasama sa hapag kainan…ang sarap mo talaga…at hindi ako magsasawa sayo…nakakaadict ka talaga….kahit ikaw lang pagkain sa table okey lang….super yummy mo…maraming salamat….

Naisip ko lang….

September 20th, 2007 by angelkhate

naisip ko lang habang wala akong ginagawa sa harapan ng pc ko, while browsing to different sites sa net…napadaan ako sa isang site, naalala ko ang past, naisip ko tuloy na malaking tulong pala ang pagkawala mo….kung ikaw ay nasanay sa isang bagay na laging nandyan, kung kailagan mo dyan agad, isang tingin mo lang alam na na kailangan mo siya…tapos…BOOOOM paggising mo wala na pala…

hmm ano ba pinagsasabi ko?

kasi ganito…dati umaasa ako sa isang tao, feeling ko hindi ko magagawa ang mga bagay-bagay if wala siya, feeling ko lahat ng problema ko siya lang makakatulong, i feel so weak kung wala siya, i feel hopeless, feeling ko sya lang makakasagot ng mga tanong ko…pero hindi pala…now na wala na siya, now na maraming bagay ang iconsider sa isa’t isa, now na dapat mong intindihan na hindi dapat umaasa sa iba…if gusto mong matuto paghirapan mo…

ngayon, im learning to do things on my own, hindi lang puro tanong…if matyaga ka lang maghanap, matyaga ka lang gumawa ng paraan kung paano…then you’ll know what you’re looking for….

message:
  thank you for turning me into this, it helps a lot, though i miss a lot from you. (^_~)

kaibigan usap tayo!

August 28th, 2007 by angelkhate

wala ka ng gustong mangyari kung hindi maging masaya ang mga taong mahalaga sa buhay mo, kahit kinalimutan mo na ang sarili mong kaligayahan para sa kanila, even forgetting the past…yes the past…yung pains they caused you, yung sakit na naranasan mo para lang sa ikakasaya sa kanila, nagpapakablind ka na sa katutuhanan, nagmumukhang tanga ka na sa harapan nila but still you’re doing it dahil you treasure them the most….and ano kapalit? ano nangyari? ikaw pa nagmumukhang masama sa paningin nila.

hindi kaya nagamit ka lang for some particular reason? Nah!!!! hindi naman siguro, pero possible….you might break some promises but its because you thought its for the best but sad to say hindi pala…bahala sila basta ang alam ko you did all your best to make it work, you’ve been sincere sa lahat ng help at sacrifices you did it to them. If nagamit ka, sorry ka na lang nagpapagamit ka eh, life’s like that….sadyang mabait ka lang talaga (as if hahaha).

don’t worry friend let them be, yaan mo muna sila basta don’t initiate something na ikaw pa maging masama, maiintindihan ka naman siguro nila if you put space, para din yun sa kanila, keep your silence na lang muna nakakaawa ka kasi eh lagi ikaw dihado sa lahat…i think it’s enough, think of yourself muna and be happy…yaan mo muna hanggang everything will be at it’s proper place at the proper time….k? kaya chill ka lang dyan at tayo ay magpapakasaya while may buhay pa…k….good….

———————————————————————————————-

thank you for being civil…im happy to see you happy sa wakas panatag loob ko na iniwan kita na masaya, na walang pagsisisi….basta masaya ako kung ano tayo ngayon….salamat….ay nga pala ang gulo mo pala nung wedding ko hindi kita magets kung bakit ganun reaction mo pabayarin daw ba ako ng utang bad…waaaaaa minsan masama ka parin nako…hhahaha basta stay happy….ciao…

———————————————————————————————–

hindi ata umubra plans ko….hahaha palpak…i thought magka-gf ka hmmm ano kaya pwede kong gawin sayo…ibenta kaya kita hahaha joke…i thought kasi mas makakapagisip ka ng mabuti kung hindi ako magpaparamdam hindi pala…sayang…don’t worry plan A ko pa yun may B - Z pa hahaha….basta goal ko magka-gf ka whether you like it or not hahahaha

thank you pala sa lahat…i still owe you a date… naks date basta ang usapan ikaw pay all the expenses hahaha wawang bata…ikaw pa rin ang BEST among the BEST /gg…salamat!!!!

——————————————————————————————-

tatlong tulog na lang birthday mo na….weeeeee matanda ka na…pwede na mag-asawa hehehe joke….HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE!!!!! stay healthy and happy and wag masyado karirin ang karir (ano daw? gulo ko) hehehe….hear you soon….


   ***** para sa mga kaibigan kong pasaway *****

Adik*~

July 18th, 2007 by angelkhate

may kilala akong tao..
isa po syang adik..
adik sa pc games…
adik sa photoshop…(lately lang naman)…
adik sa food…
adik sa band…
adik sa borloloy…
adik sa RO…
adik sa….secret /gg

e2 po ay isa sa mga gawa ni adik…
halatang walang magawa ang taong adik..
basta adik na adik to…
kaya tawagan namin adik…
kasi pati daw ako adik…d naman…hmmm

e2 na po un gawa nya….

For_you_din_adik    aww sorry adik ang liit ata ng image…hmm d ako marunong paano palakihin 2 hahaha…

anyways, si adik pala ay si Al…Alfred real name nya, sa RO naman {***unnamed***}, maangas 2…hahahaa….peace adik….

o sya…dat’s it for now…quite pagod na ako need to rest…good nyt adik…

D` Day*~

July 16th, 2007 by angelkhate

July 16, 2007

- monday, starting of a busy week. I bought some stuffs for the wedding like the white stockings for the flower girls, socks for the boys, we bought CD’s for the backup music, follow-up some people for the event, inquired the cheapiest dry cleaning (practical na lang daming gastusin eh). Lunch time, nako nagtalo pa kami…wala lang…maybe stressed out lang. Then @ almost 6:00pm we went to the designer for the 1st fitting….gosh…i love my gown, i never expected that will look that way…sobrang amazing…simple but elegant…walang daming arte pero so …basta…nice…im so excited na….

we went home so tired…i went online…check stuffs, talked to some of my online friends, checked my running "robots"…there’s this one thing that changes my mood, someone na I don’t know what happened to him, bigla bigla na lang kung magtampo or something, ewan…

@someone

hindi ko alam why? bakit ka nagkakaganyan? ewan. You may deny it but it’s too obvious that something wrong with you. You don’t have to explain ‘coz i don’t need one. Hahayaan kita kung ano ginagawa mo now, iniisip ko din na i think it’s better for both of us. You asked me many times not to change, i tried…pero i think baliktad nangyari. But again it’s okey you can be like that as long as you want. Hindi kita papakialam and I know may reasons naman lahat eh..as in EVERYTHING. Anyways, good luck and ingat ka lagi.

10:00pm+ i went "AFK" ready for bed…while resting and watching the current events news…i made some reminders for today…at nakatulog na ako, as usual natulugan ko na naman ung TV na ‘On’…hehehe…i woke up 3:00am coz parang narinig ko phone ko nagbeep…one miss call (11pm+ ata time nun) from someone and a text message from another someone saying good night, d ko na tiningnan ang time ng text basta nag good night...hmm ano kaya yun…ang gulo ewan ko sau...tapos hindi na ako makatulog until quarter to 5 na T_T….when i woke up, *check my phone*…nothing…FINE!!!!!!!

anyways, need to move…daming dapat gawin…11 days na lang….i’m so excited na…

——————————–  PAUSE ————————————–

Change*~

June 21st, 2007 by angelkhate

things happen
things change
things will vanish
things will come and go

someone wishes to be happy
someone longed for an unconditional love
love na hindi nagmamatter kung ano ka at meron ka
yung love na divine…AGAPE…

someone wants to have a friend that she/he can call her/him mine…
a friend who is ready to accept him/her who ever he/she is…
a friend who is ready to listen..
a shoulder to cry on..
a friend who is there when he/she needs you and vice versa…

just a FRIEND….ang hirap maghanap nyan pagnasa isang condition ka magulo..lahat nagbabago…unstable…rocky….STORMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

mistake…followed by a mistake…mistake…mistake….forever a mistake…

so thankful for the care
for the love
for the concerns
for the time…memorable time…
for letting him/her feel that he/she is important and special…

paano ka magmahal?
sino minahal mo?
alin ang minahal mo?
yung nalalaman mo kung sino sya or
yung taong nakakasama mo at nakakausap mismo?
the person itself or the things you knew about that person?
what?

END…
- malungkot
- nakakapanghinayang
- tears
- regrets

- change

- hopes
- wishes
- goodbyes
- "MEMORIES"

FOREVER IN MY HEART….