~:+:flying like an angel:+:~

Dear <name>,

It is again dark outside. I am sitting in my room in front of the
monitor, with the keyboard in front of me. Again waiting to see your
nickname on the screen and have a nice chat with so many feelings in
each word. I feel you so near and so distant in the same moment. Every
day I find something new in you, something that makes me feel different
but sure in one thing - you are not only my friend, you are something
more, something deeper. Do you feel the same?

I am not sure in your feelings anymore. Not sure of what I am for you
in fact? Am I just another nickname in your list or I am something
special as you are for me. I am trying to find the answer by myself,
but as I am trying I am getting scared of the answer I may find behind
all this. I am not the one you wanted … or it is you who have
changed? I know that I am not the one to blame you, nor the one to want
something special, because you are the second one in my heart and you
know that I can not change this even if I love you more than I want to.
I know that I am the one that makes the thing so complicated, but you
said that you are ready for this and you want me after all. Is it still
that way?

I remember the day when I decided that I couldn’t hide my feeling from
you anymore. I wrote you an SMS message and told you what I feel. You
were so happy and motivated about the future and so many things were so
beautiful and unreal in our relationship that I began thinking that I
have found the real love. The love that must be kept and need all my
loving. But after some time I began feeling forgotten, unwanted and
left behind. Everything was important, but me. Everyone was near you,
except me. I wanted to have you near, to feel you as a friend and even
like a lover, to share and be there, but it seemed so hard for you to
give me these things. I told you so many times that I need them.

After all these days and nights I know that I found a friend, but I am
not sure if it is the real love. But I know that I have found my first
true love and I will keep it that way. I also know that I will give you
all the love you need, or at least all the love you want me to give
you. I know that I will love you in a way I cannot show and cannot
explain to you. I just want to be loved by you, at least as a friend.
Let me know if you have changed you opinion about us. Let me know what
has changed or if I am the one who does not understand things. I love
you, my only <name>! I love you as a friend and as a lover.

Love always,

<name>

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 18th, 2006 at 1:52 am and is filed under Someone~*. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.