~:+:flying like an angel:+:~

All i wanted is to be happy, maging down if possible sa lahat, maging kaibigan ang mga tao na nasa paligid ko, pilit intindihin ang mga bagay bagay para iwas gulo. Pero bakit ganun? ako pa rin ang masama? As much as possible hindi na nga ako nagsasalita, ginagawa ko na lahat ng gusto nila tapos ako pa rin ang masama? T_T Bakit everytime may nakakasama ako, nakakausap, nakakabonding masama na tingin sa akin? Hindi na ba talaga pwede makipagkaibigan?

Why am i forcing myself to a crowd which I don’t belong ever since? Wake up Khate your world is different from their world. WAKE UP!!! You’re just "no one" to them!!!! Even yung taong you expected to understand you hindi nga kampi sayo eh how much more those people who hated you…

Ano kaya pwede kng isipin ngayon? Parang ayaw ni "happiness" maglagi sa buhay ko? Mamatay na lang kaya ako na ganito? Bakit hindi ako marunong magfight?  Bakit hindi ako marunong magmura para mamura ko sila para malaman nila kung gaano ako kagalit, kainis, kabadtrip. Sana kasing kasama nyo ako para masabayan ko kayo. Sana pinalaki na lang akong masama, pasaway para alam ko gagawin ngayon.

No one is at your side, Khate. Wake up~*

im really PISSED OFF!!!!….kung ikaw taong ka walang magawa sa buhay mo wag mo ako pagtritripan ha, masaya ba talaga kayo kung naasar nyo ako? happy ba kayo if nagagalit ako? kung wala kang magandang sasabihin, PLEASE PLEASE!!!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!! wala ka ng ginawa sa akin ha…puro na lang pang-aasar…kung naghahanap ka na pagtritripan mo wag ako…fine fine ASAR TALOOOO…ano ngayon eh ganito talaga ako eh…SORRY HA…environment ko kasi may mga modo…hindi tulad sa inyo siguro walang manners…GRRRRRRR….KUNTING respeto lang…bilang babae…wag bastos…may kapatid naman siguro kang babae….BASTOS MO HA…..at isa pa wag na wag mo ipagtutulakan ang isang tao na ayaw ko…na hindi naman totoo…buti pa ikaw alam kung ano naramdaman ko…ano ka???? MANGHUHULA???? pareho pareho lang kayong lahat…sarap nyong sapakin…

yeah, yeah, happy now???? kasi asar ako? kasi galit ako? kasi mainit ulo ko? SUCCESS BA???? idollllll……

isa na lang papatulan na talaga kita kahit lalake ka pa…..BAKLA!!!!!! BADING!!!!!

yesterday, was one of the worst day of my life…
lagi mainit ulo ko…
may mga taong nagpapainit ng ulo ko…
i went to sleep na masama loob ko…
maraming iniisip kung bakit ganito at bakit ganyan
everything’s a mess talaga

i woke up too early today…
kasi may dapat lakarin…
as usual i woke up @ the wrong side of the bed
bad mood…sobra…sarap pa matulog…
i prefer na matulog na lang kay sa umalis ng bahay
but i have no choice but to get up and dress up…

then he (ivan) notice my mood…
what he did…nag order ng food…take out…
then he brought me sa beach para daw makalanghap ako
ng sariwang hangin…then we ate…we talk..
but still masama pa rin mood ko…i told him to bring me home
and i want to sleep…

what changes my mood was….
the valentines presence of Al…
yes i got a presence from him…just this afternoon…when i got home
weee grabe as in super surprised ako…i never thought he will gave me that…
sobrang gulat talaga ako…he made me happy today..

Al, thanks…sobra…hindi mo lang alam kung gaano mo ko pinasaya ngayon
its not the presences that made me happy…but the idea of giving me something without my knowledge, as in surprise…at sa effort of doing so…MARAMING SALAMAT…and Belated Happy Valentines…mwahhhh*

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared
I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the best guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
you’ll see i wont even miss u
Someday

Right now I know you can tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye

    My day started by going to church…i woke up 5:30am mass will start 6:00am, nice gospel and there’s one thing that came up into my mind while listening to the priest’s sermon…

           "be thankful for everything that happened….may it bad or good"

many things came up to my mind…kailangan ko ba maging thankful sa lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon? Maybe yes, maybe no…i prayed and think…

wen i got home d pa rin mawala sa isip ko ang sermon ng priest…the sermon hit me big…

text:

            "hi good morning, just dropping by to tell you that my silence doesn’t mean i already forgotten you, that i no longer care about you, that i don’t love you anymore. My silence means that i respected your current relationship now and im  giving my way. Just remember that if you need someone to talk to im very much willing to lend you my ears, my time and my HEART. Im just here for you. You take care always"

the next thing that happened? I cried….so hard….

busy day…texted someone…no reply…i wonder what happened…waited…nothing…

i went online to check mails….etc…etc…*beep* *beep* (1 unread message) *open*

        "…..sorry kakagising ko lang….."

huh? tulog? really? you woke up really late as in 12noon tapos nakatulog ka ulit around 2pm? and woke up 7:30pm? REALLY? hanep ka din matulog ano?

it’s just irritates me pag ganun…i will appreciate if you just tell me the truth…hayzzz…

il end this blog with a sad face =`(

Sunday | 21th of January

      i woke up at around 10:45am too late huh? Yeah, coz im watching this show kasi at natapos na sya @ around 1:00am T_T…so ayun puyat late tuloy nagising…i stayed whole day at home…watch ng tv…watch…watch…pag sunday i just love sitting at the living room, have some chips and juice (kaya tumataba) while watchin` AXN channel…from Amazing Race Asia…Fear Factor…CSI Supremacy…tuloy tuloy na yan…hanggang gabi…ay within those shows pala, i went to church @ around 5:30…

       mga 10:00pm im getting ready na for bed…aun text here text there naghihintay bisitahin ni Mr. Antok…I drop some good night messages to some of my friends…iba nagtext back ang iba hindi (wala ata load o d kaya nakaunlimited) hehehe…pwd naman sila mamili may smart at globe naman ako..o baka tulog na…anyways, i talked to someone, we said hi’s and kamustahan…actually dami ko natanong sa kanya nun…then i found out some things about him that made the rest of my night sad T_T…but im not mad…im just sad…Questions are popping into my head, why ganito? why ganyan? bakit kami pa! Why all these things are happening…mas lalo tuloy ako d makatulog T_T but wats the good thing about what he shared, i know now where to stand…kung ano limit ko…kung ano dapat gawin about us…yan lang siguro ang advantage…

para sa’yo:
    I’m sorry if we didn’t work out. I would like to thank you for everything you’ve done to me, for making my life so colorful. Thank you for being a part of me…you will remain in my heart forever. Thank you for that love you showed me and most of all thank you for being so honest sa lahat since from the start of this relationship…i really appreciated it a lot. Let’s just keep our promises yan lang huling hiling ko sayo. Thank YOU. Pag "HONESTY" na pinaguusapan no question about it…you’re the best….

   Cry ever na beauty ko…pero okey lang dapat ko lang sya idaan sa iyak kay sa ano pa magawa ko T_T…then this guy drop me a message saying good nyt aun siya tuloy nakasalo sa mga sama ng loob ko…kahit naguguluhan siya kung napano ako….

           Sorry at hindi na ako nakatext back sayo so tired na siguro by that time, hindi na rin kita macontact eh…salamat sa mga advices mo at sa mga text mo last night…este kaninang umaga na pala….im okey now…thank you sa pagsama sa akin…maraming salamat!!!

        My sunday was so stressful, ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko…kasing bigat ng mga mata ko pagkagising ko T_T…hayzzz….hope maging happy na tayong lahat….When i woke up kanina…medjo okey na rin after hours of crying…

        Sabi nga, hindi tayo bibigyan ni God ng trials kung sa tingin nya hindi natin kaya, life must move on kahit unfair, better ko sigurong gawin is to see the bright side of everything, kung bakit kailangan magkaganito at kung bakit it ends up this way…I know that "you" will always be there, as long as your happy im happy na din for you…

"Life is so colorful"

Maraming bagay gumugulo sa utak ko, naguguluhan ako sa panahon, sa mga pagkakataon, sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Minsan masaya ako minsan naman hindi…everytime naaalala ko ung dati nalulungkot ako. Minsan bago ako matulog sinasabi ko sa sarili ko "sana paggising ko bukas un ung time na una kitang nakilala para matama na lahat, para maibalik ko ung time na i was once so much happy…happy with you.."

How could time do this to us…huhuhu…bakit ganito nadarama ko? Why? And you know what hurts most? Yung paglayo mo sa akin, alam ko you’re doing things para makalimutan mo din ang lahat….i know you’re diverting yourself to something/someone dahil sa situation…yun ang masakit…

Walang araw na hindi ko tinatanong to:

- Kumusta kaya sya?
- Kumusta kaya tulog nya? Puyat ba sya?
- Naguusap kaya sila?
- Nakalimutan na kaya nya ako?
- Do i still have a space in his heart?
- He still care for me kaya?
- Iniisip pa kaya nya ako?
- Why things turn out this way?
- I love him, he loves me…Why it can’t be?

Tanong na ewan ko….Hindi ko alam ang sagot…Akala ko sa movie lang to nangyayari, hindi pala…Everytime my phone beeps…hoping na pagopen ko…its your name makikita ko…paggising ko….hoping na 1st message na makikita ko sa phone ko galing sayo…everytime i go to bed im still hoping its your "Good night…sweet dreams…sleep tight…hear you tomorrow…i love you baby" nababasa ko…I miss the puyatan….the happy kwentuhan…..the jokes…lahat…namiss ko…She is so lucky with you…wala na syang hahanapin pa…you have everything a girl wants…YOU’RE SO PERFECT for me…

Things are different now, lahat iba na…sobra…and that fact makes me sad….ginagawa ko mga bagay ngayon kahit ayaw ko para makalimutan ung lungkot na nadarama ko…Yeah, darating na ung time na most girls dream of…dapat masaya ako d ba? dapat excited ako? pero hindi eh…kabaliktaran nadama ko ngayon…palapit ng palapit ung time na yun mas lalo ako nalulungkot…feeling ko mas nawawalan ng pag-asa na makasama kita…we kept on fighting for our love dati…you once said if this certain time comes…thats the time you will give up on us…and e2 na nga dumating na…and i saw in you that you’re giving up…it hurts….but i can’t blame you… i think thats the right thing to do for both of us…I’m just thankful na hanggang sa huling sign…you’re there to fight…thank you…

Just want to say thank you…sa lahat…sa love na pinadama mo sa akin….unconditional love…salamat sa time that you’re there when i was so down…time na im so happy and sad…sick and fine…thank you so much…and im sorry sa lahat ng heartaches…

I’ll always be here for you…anytime…

I love you….

    I love being your friend…doin` little things to brighten your life and watchin` you burst into a warm smile that says "thank you for bein` you"… but what i like most is how you & i become friends… there are no demands, no using each other, no pretentions, no lies… just letting those wonderful feelings to grow and in return realizing that being friends is a rich and rewarding experience especially when that friend is YOU… that makes all the difference in the world…glad to have you around….

    I Love You, Soulmate!!!!

my first made video

… yang video na yan para sa mga taong naging bahagi ng buhay ko
… they change me in many ways
… tears…laugher..yan ang pinagsamahan namin
… for you guys..maraming maraming salamat…

I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….I HATE YOU….